"Life sucks, get a fucking helmet."

I think Denis Leary is onto something there…

A couple months ago I wrote a rant that mocked suicidal people. However, I’m beginning to question our local school system’s teaching methods nowadays, because it seems that many kids from my area who viewed it either can’t read very well or have a rather short attention span.

So, I dedicate this post to those people.

Let’s get the specifics out of the way first:

1) I don’t care what the details to the story are, because frankly, they don’t matter. The point of my rant was to mock suicide itself, which brings me to number 2…

2) Grab a piece of paper and pen kids so you can take notes! Only in the introduction do I even mention your little friend’s sad existence. Even then, I mock the method, not the person. And the rest of the rant is *GASP* not about him or as far as I can tell, the type of person he is. It’s about the “show off” suicidal people, who for the most part don’t even live in this area. In fact, the inspiration for that rant came from forums filled with said types of people, and after the first two paragraphs I never gave him a second thought. So rest assured, I could really care less about the kid.

3) I even suggested he should talk to someone if was suicidal! Hell, he has obviously has friends and I’ll just assume they have the mental capacity to listen to him (a dangerous assumption, I know). But I guess you missed that since you were too busy thinking up some half-witted angry response to me because I DARED to make light of suicide. Ooooh, damn me! Damn me to straight to the fiery depths of hell!!

4) “You don’t understand!” I love this line, especially when it comes from people who’ve never even SPOKEN to me, much less know anything about me. How could you possibly comprehend what my life is like compared to his when you’ve never even met me?

You can’t, so I’ll enlighten you: I appreciate the fact that I have loving parents who are both alive. Now having said that, just because my environment is a good one doesn’t mean I’m ignorant to reality. Has it clicked in your head yet that the world is a shit place, humanity is one giant flaw, and there’s probably nothing beyond this life to look forward to? I doubt it. But it has in mine, and I’m not being naive towards it in the slightest.

Why is this important? Because being able to deal with the facts of life shows intelligence. Let’s say there’s a kid who, completely sober, decides to take his own life because he feels alone. He didn’t have a grasp on reality. How can I tell? Because if he did, he would’ve realized that life can and WILL change if you put effort into it and you don’t dwell on all the bad things that’ve happened. TRY HARDER.

People who simply can’t comprehend that really don’t have a place here. So maybe in a way I do approve of suicide: If you realize you’re weak minded, getting rid of yourself furthers the human race. And I like team players!

Look dammit, there was a larger point to that post. In case I haven’t spelled it out enough for your feeble little mind already, here it is again: When you mock something, it can bring to light how dumb it actually is. Somebody possessing any level of intelligence, but somehow feels suicidal, would realize that it’s a stupid act of selfishness after reading something like my rant.

Only a complete idiot would’ve taken it seriously. So if you did, I salute you. And remember, walking into oncoming traffic is a bad idea!