(click above for more fun)

This image is from a pamphlet that the fine (and likely all deranged) folks over at PETA were courteously handing out to kids at fishing tournaments and tackle shops across the country back in September. And yes, it’s completely serious: the organization honestly feels that “dads are teaching their kids to abuse animals”- oooh, and it gets better. Let’s take a look at the text inside:

“Imagine that a man dangles a piece of candy in front of you. … As you grab the candy, a huge metal hook stabs through your hand and you’re ripped off the ground. You fight to get away, but it doesn’t do any good… That would be an awful trick to play on someone, wouldn’t it?”

Golly gee whiz, it sure would! Let’s read on!

“Until your daddy learns that it’s not “fun” to kill, keep your doggies and kitties away from him. He’s so hooked on killing defenseless animals that they could be next!”

OMG NO! A-a-and, after the doggies an’ kitties, maybe you’re next too! And then mommy! And then… The world!! *Gasp*

This is straight up bullshit, and while I know everybody loves it when young, impressionable children are targeted with intimidating graphics and outright lies, I’ll take this opportunity to point out something from a research paper by a Dr. James D. Rose (and he’s a professor of zoology and physiology, so he knows damn well what he’s talking about):

Reactions to injury are present in all forms of animal life but these reactions do not mean that pain is experienced- it is not necessary for a nociceptive stimulus to be consciously experienced for a behavioral reaction to occur.
…
The unpleasant emotional aspect of pain is generated by specific regions of the human cerebral hemispheres, especially the frontal lobes. The functional activity of these frontal lobe regions is closely tied to the emotional aspect of pain in humans and damage of these brain regions in people eliminates the unpleasantness of pain. These regions do not exist in a fish brain.

Basically, fish jerking and writhing is an automatic reaction that has nothing to do with the psychological feeling of pain- Amebas do the same thing in response to chemical and mechanical stimuli, and if you wish to defend the rights of amebas, I’d like to ask you to shut off your computer and try speaking to one of those strange, bipedal creatures you’ve no doubt seen everywhere. You’ll discover a whole new perspective on life.

I consider PETA to be one of, if not the most useless and annoyingly moronic organizations in the world. For example, they oppose medical research on animals. Good thing too, because we’ve certainly never developed anything useful through it. Except, well… Vaccines for Anthrax, the Flu, Chicken Pox, Polio, Rabies, Yellow Fever; medications like pain killers, Penicillin, chemotherapy; and medical procedures such as heart, kidney, liver, and corneal transplants. But honestly, you’d be much happier with the knowledge that all the little rats in this world are roaming free than you would be with any of those damnable things above, wouldn’t you?

If you answered yes, then please, check into a mental health facility. Eh crap, they probably have things there that are the byproducts of animal testing… No matter! Just throw yourself off the nearest tall building and call it a day.

Now, they’re not without their attempts at looking noble: They do bring abused and stray animals into shelters of their own in an attempt to “save” them. Well that’s nice of ‘em, right? Wrong. PETA euthanizes a solid portion of the animals they “rescue” every year. Which wouldn’t be so bad if, you know, they didn’t have supporters picketing outside of animal shelters for doing the same fucking thing. Yep, that level of hypocrisy makes you wanna join right up, doesn’t it?

No? Well then, how about their support for terrorism? See, there’s this “non-violent” organization called Animal Liberation Front (ALF; an acronym that conjures up horrific images of an alien from an ’80s sitcom; no doubt the effect they were looking for) that does all sorts of lovely things like firebombing animal testing centers and restaurants like McDonald’s (resulting in the death of man in France; so much for non-violence), stalking scientists, harassing/threatening animal researchers and hunting guides, and generally making themselves out to be dangerous, pains in the ass. PETA’s connection?

In 1992 Rodney Coronado, a member of ALF, decided to firebomb a research facility at Michigan State University, resulting in $1.2 million of damage. Swell guy, huh? PETA thought so: They donated $42,000 towards his defense. Alas, the asshat served 9 years anyways. Aww, too bad…

But the fun doesn’t end there: PETA also paid $5,000 for the legal defense of Josh Harper, an eco-terrorist who was convicted of assaulting police officers and firing on a fishing boat, and did the same with $7,500 for Fran Trutt, who was convicted of the attempted murder of a medical company executive. I’ll repeat that, because it bears repeating: PETA supported an attempted murder.

But seriously, where’s the harm in supporting an organization that’s in bed with terrorists that have only managed to not kill anyone thus far out of dumb luck? Come on, they can’t really be that bad… Can they? Sure they can!

“Of course we’re going to be, as a movement, blowing stuff up and smashing windows…[it's] a great way to bring about animal liberation” – Bruce Friedrich, the Vegan Campaign Coordinator for PETA, during a 2001 animal rights convention

Not only are they dangerous, they’re complete morons! You know, burning down McDonald’s just pisses off fat people- it doesn’t make them reconsider their “moral standards”. They’re hungry and dammit, when someone’s hungry for grease-soaked beef, they’re gonna get it one way or another. As far as blowing up cars and medical labs, it SOLVES NOTHING. It causes fear, panic, and a temporary halt to actions. They’ll just rebuild and resume whatever they were doing- the world doesn’t stop and listen when the lunatic fringe defaces a restaurant or burns down a laboratory, it just gets a little more scared and a little more secure. You want to communicate your ideals? Boycott the products they make, appeal to those in charge to change their ways, etc.; you know, REAL non-violent protest. It’s laughable that ALF states on their website that they’re “a nonviolent campaign”; they’re not smart enough to open a dictionary, but they can cause millions of dollars in damage with just a handful of people. Isn’t irony fun?

Look, if you want to believe animals deserve the same treatment as humans, by all means, knock yourself out (just bear in mind there’s no significant evidence to either side of the argument that any other animal possesses the same sort of self-awareness that humans do). My point here is that you don’t need insane, hypocritical organizations like PETA or ALF to justify your beliefs- they’re nothing more than glorified cults.

All you need is the logic to defend your ideals and if you truly have that, other people will join in. You don’t need a Molotov cocktail to make a point.