Three months ago I was fully expecting to see at least a handful of concerts this summer, but alas, it’s all but over now and I only managed to catch one. Good thing that one kicked serious ass, huh? Anyways, I’ll keep this brief since I have neither the time or energy to describe in full detail everything about the trip (that’s what the 190+ videos/pictures on my camera are for).

Endfest is a yearly thing that takes place just outside of Seattle and consists of a handful of unknowns and a few headlining “names”. This year it was The Gossip, Rock Kills Kid, The Subways, The Eagles Of Death Metal, Wolfmother, Nine Black Alps (missed them), The Mars Volta, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers (this being the first stop of the tour for the latter two). Modest Mouse was allegedly signed on to play, though I had no idea when I purchased my ticket (I would’ve been far more disappointed when I found out they cancelled had I known), and Snow Patrol dropped off at the last minute. No big loss I suppose. Onto the show:

The Gossip

We got there about halfway into their set, but it was certainly interesting: Vocals reminiscent of 70’s soul with punk drums and bass lines. Like the rest of the bands there I’d never heard them up until that moment, but they might be worth a look.

Rock Kills Kid

Kind of alt-rock emo band, though I think they made some sort of “statement” between songs about being labeled. At any rate, they put on a great show- their keyboardist/guitarist came on stage with a cigarette and a beer, and three songs later he was quite clearly drunkas you can see in the video (I admire the fact that he can play two instruments, wasted).

The Subways

A three piece British “indie rock” band (I generally despise the gross misuse of that term, but that’s the only description I can come up with for them). I thought they put on a great performance, but it’s the same deal as when I saw Devildriver: Great show with a ton of energy and music that sounds good live, but you know it’s not interesting enough to actually buy. They were constantly jumping and moving around, with the vocalist/guitarist going so far as to climb the beam holding the roof over the stage. In all honesty the guy was a prick- he threw his guitar down and kicked his mic at one point, so I’m sure the techies love him- but he was very entertaining.

The Eagles Of Death Metal

Just an all around fun show. Josh from Queens of the Stone Age wasn’t present, though we didn’t figure that out for sure until after the fact since everyone was dressed up like washed-up hillbillies and you couldn’t tell who was who. But yeah, solid rock music with frickin’ style. I loved it.

Wolfmother

First main stage band, only caught two songs and I was really trying to get used to being 100 yards from the stage for the first time in my life, so I didn’t get into it very much. I’ve heard them a few times before though, and I’d love to have a chance to see them properly.

The Mars Volta

Ahh, the drama of the day. Well, first I have to say I’ve heard a lot of rumors good and bad about the Volta live, and every one of the bad ones was kicked out the fucking window in about 30 seconds. They rocked. Opened with “The Haunt Of Roulette Dares”, and went from there. The show sort of melted all together so I don’t much remember the set-list, though it also included “The Widow” and two new songs (and speaking of the new album, they used the art as their stage backdrop- and it was jaw-droppingly gorgeous when they unveiled it).

But then things went to hell… First Cedric decided to mock all the people slam-dancing in the pit, saying something along the lines of “I like it when you guys shake your asses- or, if you’re like me, you shake your no-asses. But you faggots doing the slam dancing, get the fuck out, go to the fucking warped tour or some shit, I don’t want to see it. This isn’t the place to do it.” He made several other remarks, one about “why don’t you guys go suck some other major label dick”, but the real highlight came when someone apparently threw a bottle of urine at him. After it happened Cedric said, “Whoever thew the bottle of piss at me, I’ll meet you at the entrance and I’ll fight you. We’re not here to make friends.” They continued into one more song- a new one- until Omar broke a string, which was likely the straw that broke the camel’s back because he immediately slammed his guitar into his amp. He then had a brief exchange of words with Cedric (which apparently was “I’m done, I’m done”), and left. Cedric had some parting words of wisdom: “This is what happens when you have a venue on ancient burial grounds. Again, I will pay $100-$1000 to whoever finds the person throwing piss and kicks them in the nuts. I will give you free merch, a life-time supply of Mars Volta tickets, fly you everywhere, we’ll be best friends. But I want him fucking decapitated.”

That’s not verbatim, but it’s close enough. The burial ground thing isn’t true, but the amphitheatre is on a reservation. I did find out that our suspicion that the perp got away clean was wonderfully false (we didn’t see any commotion so we just assumed): He was apparently just starting to throw fists with fans when security grabbed him BY THE HAIR and drug his ass out of the pit to a nearby police officer, who then arrested him and hauled him out of the venue.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers

First I must note: It pisses me off the way big shows are run, like it’s some sort of sporting event. As cheesy as this might sound, it kinda kills the mood, you know? If you show up early you should be able to get as close as you fucking can. But alas, I’m not in charge. Anyways, between the five of us that went (plus Keith, who met us there), only Jed and Ben’s tickets were next to each other since I ordered them all at different times. When it came close to RHCP starting their set seats started to fill up rather quickly, but we held the spots we had together for TMV with no problem. Then I decided I needed to go to the bathroom, and upon my return, security would only let me into my ticket’s designated seating section, which was 5 rows to the right of the rest of the gang. So I took my chances by going into my proper area, down a few rows, aaaand then all the way across, back to where I was. But as it turns out, other people had taken their proper seats and I was only able to sit behind my friends by dumb luck: A man with two kids had 4 tickets, but his “asshole friend” didn’t show up. He was very drunk and made a bit of a tense scene trying to find his ticket stub (Ben was ready to turn around and take him down if he had pulled out anything else) to give me, but it all turned out ok. Moving on:

The Chili Peppers finally came on and they owned everything, just as they should have. Flea was the first to comment on TMV’s experience, saying something like “and to whoever threw piss at The Mars Volta, you KNOW I’ll come down and kick your ass”. Kiedis quipped later, “You know what? I love The Mars Volta”. Anyways, I don’t have an exact set-list, but they did play Scar Tissue, Otherside, Californication, By The Way, Can’t Stop, Dani California, Stadium Arcadium, Throw Away Your Television, Don’t Forget Me, and Tell Me Baby (not in that order, but probably close). There was much improv by Flea and Frusciante (who mixed it up with his solos, especially on Scar Tissue), and a lengthy drum solo by Chad preceding the encore, which was the only song prior to the Californication album I was hoping to hear: Give It Away. Under The Bridge would’ve been cool too, but ah well. The show ended with about 15 minutes of improv by Flea and Frusciante, which I recorded none of, but all of which was incredible to hear and see.

Anyways, that about does it. All around kick ass show that was well worth the $60 ticket (which was $45 pre-ticketmaster rape-age) and 7 hour drive with 4 good friends (who are all extremely mature; no, seriously). And because I know I left things out but am far too tired to spend much time writing this, here’s a ton of pics and videos (both of the show and the trip) for your amusement:

Concert Pics and Trip Pics
Videos

Just a note on the video and pics from the two mainstage bands: When they don’t look ant-sized, it’s because I’m a genius and stuck my binoculars up to my camera lens and found out (much to my surprise) that it actually works! The pics are shit for the most part, but I’m blown away at the video I got. I kick ass, w00t!

Good day.

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I’d like to take a brief break from my full schedule of doing fuck-all to talk about a fascinating internet phenenomenon that I am neither the first, nor the last, to have a love/hate relationship with:

Myspace.

The above name will either induce a groan of disdain or remind you to go check your messages in your profile ’cause hey, it’s probably been 5 minutes. At any rate, everyone and their dog (I have a terrible feeling that I’m not exaggerating with that line) has an account these days, including myself. But that’s just thing: I’ve been traipsing around the internet for a large part of my life, and one thing I’ve discovered is there’s a large section of the human population that should be blocked off from web-page design by a 100 foot thick concrete barrier guarded around the clock by personnel with automatic weapons and attack-badgers. And a small percentage of that population, well, should just be shot for even thinking of accessing the internet.

Now before I launch into this next bit, don’t get me wrong: The principal behind Myspace is one that I whole-heartedly support. However, with every great idea are a few side effects, often negative. Myspace’s shortcomings just happen to show off the depressingly fast decline of civilization, that’s all. Here’s how:

- Retarded, color-blind monkeys can make better pages that are easier on the eyes than some of the shit I’ve seen: text the same color as the background, color-schemes of hot pink and puke-green, black text on dark background, and ridiculous static-image backgrounds that you can’t see text over because when you scroll the text is the same fucking color as the picture. You know, it’s the sort of thing that takes common sense, chops it into little bits, and throws it screaming in agony from twelve stories up.

- Streaming media and the halfwits that don’t understand “no, listening to two tracks at once is NOT appealing.” Thankfully Myspace wised up and now allows you to disable music from automatically playing on profiles, but I STILL come across pages with two, sometimes three streaming windows media files that love to buffer all at once. Not only that, but 90% of the time it’s some overplayed shitacular excuse of a music video and RARELY anything you’d want to see. No no really, I WANT to see the latest hip-hop video that looks EXACTLY like the rest of the lot, or Marilyn Manson because I didn’t get my fill when MTV whored the shit out of him in the late 90’s.

- Ebonics inbreeding with chat lingo. There is no larger concentrated effort of raping and pillaging the English language than Myspace. Not only do you have people who are well over the age of 15 that don’t know TyPiNg LiKe ThIs is something 10 year old girls typically do because their parents didn’t slap any sense into them before throwing a keyboard at them, but you have people (“gangsta-g”s, wiggers, and other suburban degenerates) that somehow COMBINE the verbal excrement that is Ebonics with the typing equivalent known as chat lingo, forming sentences like “u kn0 dat’z hawt b1tch”. Now as fascinating as the evolution of a language is, this is like watching the average Arkansas family tree form from its roots: Starts off amusingly enough, but by the end there’s so many deformities and syndromes that you want to vomit and murder all at once. Hell, as I write this Myspace is down (a whole issue unto itself), and have a look at their notice. Sure, in chat no caps and missing apostrophes is a given, but on the main page of a site getting tens of thousands of unique visitors every hour? That’s not an assertion of style- that’s being a lazy incompetent moron. Go Tom!

On a side-note to the picture, it was at least 5 hours before they came back online. Nice estimating, dipshits.

- Glitches, errors, and generally more technical difficulties than you would think possible given the site’s popularity (then again, I guess patience could be a side effect of stupid) . Oh it’s a blast: You leave a comment, but there’s a solid chance it’ll hang/generate an error, making you either a) wait it out for eternity or b) re-post it and then BAM, your comment is double-posted and you look like an assclown. Then there’s the lovely “server is too busy!” message- you know, Fox gave them $580 million for rights, but by the looks of it they pissed it all away on hookers and crack instead of something equally fun, yet far safer: Bandwidth! As for the whole “routine maintenance” on profiles… I think someone needs to explain to Myspace what “routine” means, because it’s certainly not spots of time ranging from 5 minutes to 2 hours at any random part of the day. With the amount of traffic that Myspace generates on a daily basis, it would seem logical to have a large unit of professional technicians caring for the servers daily and working out kinks. So either these people don’t exist, or it’s actually a tight-knit group of mentally handicapped 5 year olds. I’m betting on the latter.

- Encouraging the proliferation of comment fishing. Let’s just toss self-esteem issues out the window- nobody is gonna post a picture of themselves if they really think they’re ugly because short of being forced to do it, that’s just not how reality works. Yet still you have girls (and occasionally, guys) posting a self-pic with a caption like “zOMG I’m hideous”…. Followed by a dozen comments telling them how great looking they are. And I’d almost despise these people for using their “friends” (more on that in a moment) just for a self-esteem boost but you know what? Fuck the people responding to them as well, because they could be teaching said person a valuable lesson by posting “yeah jeez, you ARE hideous. Did you get hit by a bus?”

- Friend whoring. Myspace took the word “friend” and sucked all that was good and right from it, because there’s an overwhelming abundance of people with 500+ friends. Now I understand bands or people that have done something legitimately popular having that amount of people added, but when you see an average 17 year old kid from some no-name town with nothing of any interest on their page and 1200 friends, you just want to smack them. No moron, I’d bet my left pinkie (and I LOVE my left pinkie) that you have 2, maybe 3 friends tops in real life and play with the imaginary ones/yourself far more often. This is like the kids in my town with over-sized trucks that make a shit-ton of noise to compensate for their short-comings as men; no, that big impressive number does not make you impressive by association. It does, however, make you look like a senseless, pathetic failure at life.

But aside from the technical issues (and what I mentioned above barely scratches the surface) the creators behind Myspace can’t really be blamed- after all, it’s not entirely their fault that most people who find their way to the site lack any grasp whatsoever of aesthetic value or the English language. As I said before, the idea is one I’m behind: It’s easily the greatest free tool on the internet for promoting yourself, your band, art, etc. And aside from that, it makes it mildly more entertaining to keep in touch with friends. At least, the ones that aren’t color blind monkeys with down syndrome.

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