Every once in awhile you meet some of these creatures that live and breathe outdoor “excitement” and can’t stand being cooped up. They’re the ones that mock the nerds whenever they walk by, or ridicule anyone whose existence doesn’t revolve entirely around interacting with humanity. You know, fucktards.

Oh sure, getting outside is great- healthy, fun even. I plan to do just that most of the summer and enjoy the SHIT out of it. And socializing can be nifty too-  but it’s that smugness of “hadurr hadurr I hiked seven miles up hill both ways before coming to a ten hour shift at work, what did YOU do today?” or “man, I totally got hawaaasted with a bunch of strangers and to music so staggeringly appalling it makes the Holocaust look like a good time- you know, YOU need to do it more often!” that makes you wanna punch cute animals and punt infants.

Example A: Two kids walk by talking (very) enthusiastically about their gaming escapades of the day (Left 4 Dead, and for what sounded like many hours) and Activetard to my right goes “wow, sounds like THEY had an exciting day.” Hey, you know what else is exciting? Standing this close to such a failure of a person. It’s almost awe-inspiring to see someone so blatantly ignorant that they’re revolted by people with different lifestyles. No, they don’t climb mountains in their spare time. You do. I know, your insecurities as a bwig-twuff-male make it hard to understand concepts such as “diversity” and “cooperative team-play”, especially since both can take place *gasp* in-doors and outside the reach of the sun, but you can always keep your mouth shut. How do I know that? Why, because it’s what you do when your aversions are within ear-shot! And how.

Example B: A foreign exchange “student” asks me what I do for fun, fails to grasp the answer of “whatever I want” (she’s from the former Soviet Bloc; concepts of freedom must be difficult), and proceeds to tell me that I should go to clubs, because “that’s what they do in cities, like L.A.” Well, pardon-fucking-me and my poor understanding of American culture, what with having lived here my entire life. You’re right: I should really take part in popular culture, just because it’s popular, more often. Just think! I could wear the EXACT same thing as 90% of all guys on campus, I could fuck things that look like easy-bake skeletons with breasts, I could waste all my money on alcohol, I could go around claiming that people who create basic rhythms with electronic software are “talented” AND blast said “talent” at such ludicrous volumes that it makes normal eardrums quake in their boots, I could type lik th1s- holy fucking balls, that sounds like a blast! See, here I was thinking I could do whatever I found personally fulfilling including, but not limited to, NOT taking E and getting raped over a toilet, speaking and typing like I’m not a four year old with mental defects, not interacting with ignorant elitist halfwits, bullshitting with random friends, watching a movie, appreciating the quiet beauty of solitude, and other fantastic stuff that serves the purpose of pleasing “me” and not fulfilling whatever lifestyle I wish everyone else to perceive that I have.

I’m certainly not defending the sort of people that play WoW all day (because suffering through non-enjoyment for actual enjoyment =/= fun; also: addiction), and I firmly believe that being at least semi-social and active is, at the very least, a plus for mental and physical health. But choosing to remain ignorant to technological or non-social pleasures in life as if it were the CORRECT option, is completely asinine. But hey, at least they know how to listen to really shitty music all the time and brag all day about why they have zero energy. Maybe that’s more useful than self-enjoyment that doesn’t revolve around an “image”.

What the fuck would I know? I run a website.

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