Merry Marvin Day!
Ahh, Christmas: That time of year where corporations take the American public out back and feverishly rape ‘em, where conservatives scream bloody murder because, curiously enough, not everyone is Christian, and where the occasional nut claims Jesus was born on the 25th of December and that this somehow warrants throwing pieces of plastic at each other.
But what about Dave?! He too had a son (Marvin) that came to earth and spread all sorts of hodgepodge about being nice to rabbits, not lyin’ and stealin’, and many other wonderful tidbits of common sense. Oh, but the barbarian hordes of the old days did not understand rationality (I mean these people are so dense, you could probably convince them that you walked on water!), so they usually just stared blankly at him when he spoke (the whole rabbit vocalizing thing didn’t appear to phase ‘em, strangely enough).
Oh, but this did not discourage Marvin! Nay, it only empowered him, for rabbits are not ones to take things lying down. He ventured from village to village, spreadin’ the word of Dave to anyone that would listen, and doing so simply out of the goodness of his rabbit soul!
Alas, one fateful day in the mountains of Stan when Marvin was returning to his yurt, he met a beagle. He offered up a hearty “Good day to you, sir!” but the beagle would have none of that, and quickly set to mauling Marvin. Hours later and minus two legs, he was discovered by a lovely young peasant girl taking a stroll. Marvin tried explaining to her who he was, but was only able to emit a few pathetic squeaks. Witnessing this, the peasant girl uttered a fateful “aww”, picked up a nearby rock, and crushed Marvin’s skull into tiny, tiny bits before continuing on her way.
And it is for this reason that on every December 25th (Marvin was actually killed on the 18th of May, but since everybody and their dog has a holiday in the winter, this date was decidedly more appropriate), Davidian families the world over toss confetti into their yard in honor of Marvin’s passing from this world at the cruel, cruel hands of a lowly peasant. Why this tradition, you ask? Oh, no reason: I mean it has about as much to do with Marvin’s death as erecting a tree indoors and tossing some lights on your residence does with birth of some nutty Jew that eventually got pinned to a crucifix. You see, the origin isn’t important anymore despite what certain fundamentalist Davidians would tell you: It’s about bein’ with your loved ones, togetherness, and all that other stuff society tosses out the window a solid 351 days of the year. Sure, we can thank the mentally defective scholars that decided- mostly as an attempt to win a holiday pissing contest with Pagans- to honor Marvin at the end of the year, but beyond that, it’s simply about the here and now.
Merry Marvin Day.
Comments(6)
Aww… I do not believe in Jesus…, but I believe in Santa! And I celerbrate it for Santa!! I do not know, but that is what I have nailed it down too, is that, I celerbrate it for Santa and the reindeer! Mwahahah!
Christa, you have a talent for sounding like you don’t know what you are talking about. A gift, you might say, nurtured by hand for many a year. Dummy.
Chris… you make some good points, as always, but damn dude, must ye always sound so mean? Satire, amigo? Or just cynicism? Not all Christians find holidays to be the defining light of Christianity, it’s mostly those excessively loud mooks that the media portrays that give justification to your vehement rants. Ah, where would America be without people to misrepresent us? Oh woe are we, steeped in misery, through all eternity, ’cause of the stupid Christmas tree… oh golly gee, for such a slight fee, you can be like me… free.
Freestyle!
Merry Christmas
Ben, look over there! See that? See it? That was the point! Aaaand you missed it!
There was no insinuation at all above that Christianity is defined by Christmas, it was merely mocking the belief that Jesus was born on Dec. 25 and that this is why we should celebrate Christmas (and it’s not like just a few people believe that; hop on down to the elementary school as see how many are being taught that by their parents). Nothing more was intended. And of course, it was to try an’ convert a few people to Davidians. *shrugs* Shameless, I know…
And must I always sound mean? Dude, look at the title of the site. I know I’ve told you before that, well, that’s mostly the reason I run this place: Venting. But take solace in the fact that this is the 2nd update in two months, so if nothing else, I’m less frequently mean.
OY!! For the record, I’m not terribly offended. Actually, I’m not offended at all, just mildly twitchy about pseudo mockery-isms this time of year. Silly me, I know.
Dave loves you Chris, no one else will…
As far as I know, most Christians don’t believe that Christ was born on the 25th, but they still celebrate his birthday. The choice of day is arbitrary yet traditional. Think about it, if you just find a young child floating around after a tragedy with no parents or records, you’d still celebrate his/her (unknown) birthday, but on an arbitrary day (possibly the day of the year when you found him/her). That’s how I think of it anyway…
the 25th of december was choosen from the pagans, we celebrate the winter solstice on the 21st or 22nd of december. the “christmas” tree is a pagan tradition to ward of evil demons from plauging your house during the winter months. a “yule” log is constructed on the yule holiday by, you guessed it, pagans. so i come to the conclusion that christians stole our traditions and are hypocrits for celebrating a pagan holiday in disguise.